Those Advice given by A Parent That Rescued Me when I became a New Parent

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of being a father.

But the actual experience rapidly became "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You require assistance. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a broader reluctance to communicate amongst men, who still absorb negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a display of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to request a respite - spending a couple of days abroad, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when in his youth to change how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a friend, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their stories, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."